You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
