I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize