oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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