: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
