belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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