the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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