I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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