She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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