My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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