Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
