You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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