he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
