Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry my hands just texted you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
