Sry I called you an 8
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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