I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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