somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
