There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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