also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
