You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
