i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
