we have pet lesbian snakes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
