I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
