actually, I'm a sock model
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
