I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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