sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
