Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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