4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
