Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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