i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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