Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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