how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
