I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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