well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
