Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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