you win again, gameday.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want nice things and good sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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