you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
