She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
