My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
