next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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