people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My cat gives me a boner
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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