im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
