WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
