Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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