It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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