in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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