You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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