Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
