The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
