I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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