Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
