Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
