I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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