So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
