Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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