Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
