Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
