I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
