this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
