hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
