can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
