the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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