i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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