What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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