Betty ford says i'm here all night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize