My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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