its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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