I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize