Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
