i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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