I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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