i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
