This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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