i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
