I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Im part way to drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
