i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
