after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
sarcasm needs its own font
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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