my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
