The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
