batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
