apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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