I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
