I swear she didn't look like that last week.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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