well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize