He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
