you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
