So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
